Dustin (ravior) wrote,

One more day

Last nite was a bust. Oh what a lovely life i lead. Not a day goes by i feel content through the whole. Give me one day where i love every minute and i could die a happy man.
Why do i trick myself into believing that anyone cares, i fulfill their ends and that's all i'm need for. Oh talk to me, walk with me, drink with me, get drugged out with me, fuck me, be my one true one, even if its not for real, say you love me when i could give a damn less...what's it really matter? Shit. Fall in love one more day...hell that just the way...it all goes...meet someone new, and i could give a shit...i don't know why i think i could fall in love and leave it to that...got nit pick...cause i can't even look myself in the mirror without a hint of revulsion...go back on old times and i think maybe i knew love...but what's it matter to me now...i've journeyed so far into the hole that i don't even see daylight anymore. What the fuck do i know of love..a few fevered nights...a few exasperated words? But they're gone in a flash and all i'm left with is the memory...but thanx for that...much appreciation for that at least...god to christ if i could mean it when i say i do not care....and all these songs on the tv dont bring me back to reality, i'll just slip deeper into the darkness of my outstreched mind...never finding that star of my existence...maybe i passed it...maybe i lost it forever...shit, i don't even know what it is i'm looking for anymore...just a puzzle piece that's lost it's own shape so how the hell is he going to find the match? If i didnt have to wake up in the morning, if only i could dream forever. But no, always the morning comes...and welcome to the real world, hope yu have a lovely visit, the way you're going it won't be for long...madness or death, Even that's not an escape...i'm just discontent energy left to vibrate wrong...left to shake the molecules till theyre ready to burst and yet...just an outlet...it'll never control me..lead me to believe it's my saving grace...hahahaha...live a little, die a little...doesn't make a lot of frickin' difference. i don't want to be here anymore...trying to make people happy 'cause i need the love...its not even there to find...i feel like the world's so devoid of anything real that its a contradiction in term...what's real in the real world except what we can dream...therein lies our only reality...but that's it for today...i won't find today what i'll look for tomorrow, though i doubt very much its even going to be there to find. Out as long as i can be...semper, Dust
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